"ANYONE for tennis?"

"Stop your jibber jabber, fool! We don't have time for games! We got debt! We've won two games, count 'em: One! Two! We're in a world of PAIN, sucker! I'm Mr T, this is the Melbourne Football Club, and you're OUTTA HERE!"

Yes, this is a joke, but no more of a joke than the shambles the Demons have delivered over the past 24 hours.

First, it's rumoured Demons chief executive Paul McNamee won't survive Tuesday morning's board meeting. Journalists seeking answers find Melbourne FC phones turned off and their messages go unanswered.

Yesterday, a newspaper story suggests the former tennis pro might be backhanded just four months into his contract. Still not answering calls. Meanwhile, McNamee goes on 3AW and SEN 1116 yesterday morning, confirming he has been sacked.

The club's first press release confirming McNamee's termination arrives at 2.38 pm. A second release arrives at 3.41 pm, saying club chairman Jim Stynes will make a statement at 4 pm. Pity the fools who are based further than 19 minutes from the Junction Oval. Especially when Stynes arrives, reads a statement, and answers 12 questions before the media conference is smartly ended.

Meanwhile, in the club's bleak Junction Oval gym, Mr T joins David Neitz and half the club list in filming an advertisement for a chocolate bar based on the premise of how bad they are. No, that's not a joke.

"I'm here to motivate and elevate!" Mr T yells, "I'm not here to say you're pathetic! So, how many games have you won?"

"Two," says Neitz, coyly.

"That's pathetic!"

Laughs all round. Stynes stands smiling, while on the facing wall, a banner reads: "United. Disciplined. Hungry."

Neitz ducks out and returns dressed as Mr T. He's got to deliver a series of lines, finishing with: "Let's take it away, fools!"

He needs six takes to nail it. The players are in stitches; the club is not.

Mr T is presented with a Melbourne jumper. He's grateful and gracious.

"For women and children," he barks, "the 'T' in my name stands for tender. To the bad guys, it stands for tough."

As Mr T drives away in a red Hummer, Stynes makes his way to face the media, feeling perhaps a little too tender, a little too tough. But committed, nonetheless, to getting his A-Team in the air.