FIVE OBSERVATIONS FROM... THE FINALS, WEEK ONE

1. If they go for two goal umpires at each end, or maybe even video replays, that's one less thing for talkback callers to whinge about. SEN might have to bring in what they do at kinder and have designated "quiet times" just to get through the day.

2. The "footy world" is the greatest it's ever been at proclaiming players the greatest there's ever been.

3. There were just about more people at the Lorne- Alvie final on Saturday than at Homebush that night, so can Lorne have an AFL team? It's got a better beach than west Sydney, too.

4. Gee, it'll be hard to top the excitement generated by the official launch of the Gold Coast team.

5. The football season goes on forever. Just think how long ago it seems since Fev swore off the grog.

FOOTY SPEAK OF THE WEEK

Accountability

Defined by Dictionary.com as "the state of being accountable, liable, or answerable". Favoured by football coaches to indicate that they won't tolerate players wandering around on the field like that character in The Club who smoked a joint before a game. So, when Western Bulldogs coach Rodney Eade says his team lacked accountability against Hawthorn, and that there were some "who've got to answer some questions", what he's probably saying is: "And it's highly unlikely that any of their answers will be satisfactory."

A QUICK WORD WITH ... THE ALL-AUSTRALIAN JUMPER

You seem familiar . . .

Yes, good look isn't it? Lovely clean lines. Bold colouring. Simple yet stylish. Smacks of success. Everyone should be wearing it, really.

Bit obvious though, don't you think? I mean, you're supposed to be the All- Australian team, selected from all 16 teams, not just one.

We don't make the rules, just play by them better than everyone else. Not our fault if they're not up to it.

So you seriously reckon 10 of the best 40 players in the whole competition this year are from Geelong?

Thought they went a bit conservative on us, actually. Could easily have been double that. Probably a reaction to picking only nine Cats in the final team last year. Should have been at least 18.

So, who's stiff to miss this time?

Where's Brent Prismall? What about Shannon Byrnes? Travis Varcoe? Harry Taylor? Now you're being ridiculous. Didn't see Matty Egan's name in there either. He hasn't played a single game.

Neither has Nathan Ablett, but you'd still pick him.

I think you might be getting a little bit carried away with yourself. You got smacked by Collingwood a few months back, and they've only got one bloke in the whole squad. One too many.

ASK AKA

Q. I can't shake the feeling that I'm only one step away from doom, Aka. Danger seems to lurk around every corner, and I'm just so unsure of myself. What can I do?

A. Of course, Michael Voss wasn't the right choice for the Brisbane job. Three fl ags in a row? Well whoopie-do. You didn't see them giving it to Pikey, did you? When are people going to realise that there's a perfectly obvious, goateed, peroxided candidate for this sort of job sitting right under their noses? If anyone can pull off playing the dual roles of all-round genius for one team while coaching another, then I think we all know the man. Stop mincing about, looking over your shoulder and get on with it. You're still alive, so start living. Aka knows. Aka has won three fl ags in a row, too.

FARMER RICHO'S BARN DOOR

Farmer Richo has been looking forward to September for months, and always suspected he might have some spare time on his hands to sit back and put his feet up. From his comfortable vantage point at the weekend, reclining in the farmyard, he was a little saddened to see his old buddy Buddy hitting way more barn doors than farm animals, but he suspects he'll come calling before the month is through. So yesterday was a real breakthrough day down on the farm, when Farmer Richo was able to invite Tom Lonergan up to the loft, after Tom hit two barn doors but knocked down a pig, a horse, a cow and a chook as well. That made Farmer Richo very happy indeed because it's not very often Geelong players do anything wrong.