It's no surprise a certain football show keeps trawling for the cheapest laughs.

I LIKE watching football shows and I watch them all — the funny ones, the boring ones (you know, the ones that talk about football), the ones on Fox, the new ones on Seven, the old-fashioned ones on the network formerly known as "Still No. 1". I just can't get enough of them.

I particularly like the ones on that blokey station, "Almost No. 3". The funniest one has that old, sick guy on it who likes to treat women as sex objects.

I like it when he surrounds himself with blonde, busty women and sings a song like some washed-up crooner from the 1950s.

And it's really funny when he dresses up mannequins in skimpy clothes and pretends they are female journalists and starts pawing them and squeezing their legs. I happen to be an expert on mannequin relationships and I know some men like them because they are of little substance and can be dressed however the man chooses and they don't speak or think or respond to poor treatment.

It was probably the way crooners in the '50s wanted their women to be and it is that sort of clever humour that everyone wants to see on a football show.

If you ask me, if you're not poking fun at women journalists, or not flirting with buxom blondes, or not belittling commentators from rival networks, it's just not a football show.

Of course, the funniest part of the show is when that old guy speaks to people on the street and finds some homeless guy to laugh at.

And I like the bit when they put their tips in for the weekend and everyone cheers — that's gold.

But what I really admire about those blokes is the way they are so in touch with contemporary times and their ability to make heartfelt apologies and take on board criticism.

They may think women are either sex objects or figures of fun, but they are big enough to pretend to be sorry about it and that's the important thing.

Call me crazy, but when I watch a football show, I want that show to discuss football and maybe shed some light on why the Saints have gone from second favourite to useless on the back of one loss.

I hope the Saints ($4.10) don't beat the Cats ($1.20) tomorrow because then we will have to change our minds again and I don't think I'm ready.

But just in case, I'm going to take the Saints on the line ($1.91 to get within 24.5 points) and plug that into my multi with the Bulldogs (more than 12.5 points against the Bombers at $2.10) and the Eagles (with a 26.5 point start against the Swans) for a $7.66 return.

Adelaide ($3) is also good value against the Hawks, while tonight's game between the Bombers and the Bulldogs should be a shootout, so take $1.90 for the number of goals kicked to be 34 or more.

And remember, if these bets don't get up, it's not my fault. My information comes from football shows for dummies.