MY MUM says she is sick of reading about Collingwood.

It's a good point.

I'm sick of reading about "the Collingwood", too, which is curious because I'm just about to write about it.

I just wish the spring would come on and the finals would start and we could stop talking about the Magpies.

As my mate MOC (a Collingwood fan) says, when they said Heath Shaw and Alan Didak were suspended for the rest of the home-and-away season and the finals, what finals exactly did they have in mind?

In fact, as soon as the finals start, the sooner we can stop talking about 13 teams and that would save us all from a lot of superfluous words and speculation and free up some of our mind space for the three teams that are actually good.

And once our minds are free, then we can zone in on the two teams that are actually best.

Let's face it, the next four rounds are a charade and are only serving to conclude fantasy football competitions.And so are the first few weeks of the finals.

What is the point?

The Bulldogs are now resting players and waiting for the spring.

Geelong is simply playing to equal Essendon's record in 2000 of 21 wins.

And Hawthorn just wants to take Lance "Buddy" Franklin to 100 goals.

By the way, if I read another headline with a play on the words Buddy and bloody, there's a fair chance I could throw up last night's dim sims.

But please, help subeditors out from around the globe (this is, evidently, quite urgent in China, where apparently, during the week, one of the local rags ran with: "Where the Buddy hell is he?") and go to blogs.theage.com.au/realfooty and suggest your best headlines for Lance Franklin without using the word Buddy for bloody.

It could be "Sir Lancelot of goals" or "Franklin's dam good" or "Lance the 2nd: no freckles on me," or "Franklin's unholy lightning left foot".

That last one is a bit abstract, but did you know the Catholics and the Protestants were very cross with Benjamin Franklin when he discovered lightning with his kite?

It's a bit like several football commentators on Lance Franklin's kicking action.

In fact, according to some, Franklin is going to be the first Coleman medallist and centurion goal-scorer that can't kick. No wonder he is a freak.

So get on the Hawks to win by more than 25.5 points at $1.91, take the Cats to pound Melbourne by more than 58.5 points at $1.91, add some value to your multi by selecting the Crows to defeat Richmond at $1.63 and think about the Kangaroos getting over the Western Bulldogs at $2.30.

Of course, if you don't like any of those, just get on China's Dan Lin to win the men's badminton at $2.25. He's got it in the bag.