THAT Paul Roos makes me so mad. Have you ever seen him talking to the media?

He smiles and laughs and talks about retiring and acts all sweet and nice. You know he's on the incense, don't ya? Probably one of those Buddhists as well.

I don't like Buddhists and I don't like that Paul Roos. You almost get the feeling he thinks football is a game and footballers are just blokes who are good at football and journalists are humans.

I don't know what's wrong with him. He should be more like my Pa. We're not supposed to talk about Pa but he was a Hawthorn man who grew up in Altona and coached the local junior team. Pa was the most cantankerous old bastard you could ever meet and he hated Buddhists and journalists and he didn't have a generous bone in his body.

Pa feared the world and the world feared him but Pa was one helluva coach.

We don't know why Pa was so angry. If you took Pa out to a restaurant, he would pinch the bottoms of waitresses as they walked past and say to them things like: "Give us a pash."

One time, when a waiter put the wrong meal in front of him, Pa put the waiter's face in the beef-and-black-beans and said: "What the f--- is this, you dumb piece of s---? I want dim sim. Get with the program."

We decided we couldn't take Pa anywhere after that and he died lonely and angry and eating take-away.

Pa just couldn't understand why people took offence to his foul mouth, he just couldn't understand why women objected to having their body parts squeezed, he just couldn't understand why the staff in Chinese restaurants looked at him oddly when he ordered "flied lice" and stopped using plurals for words that needed them.

Pa just couldn't understand politesse. He demanded perfection despite being imperfect. And he could not accept that people had different opinions to him. Pa wanted the world to tolerate him while he was intolerable.

But Pa was one helluva coach and that was the only thing that was important to him. And that is what Roos needs to get through his thick head. If Roos is going to get anywhere in this coaching caper, he needs to get off the incense and embrace anti-socialism, embrace the way of Pa.

Until then, the Swans won't do anything, except that boring stuff of playing in finals year after year.

Oh, and they will beat West Coast this weekend so take the line (more than 23.5 points at $1.90) and hook that into a multi with the Hawks (more than 39.5 points at $1.90 against the Bombers) and the Western Bulldogs ($1.45 to beat the Saints) for $5.23.

If you want to be adventurous, add the Dockers to your multi (a 36.5-point start against the Brisbane Lions at a $1.85) but remember, betting on Freo is a health hazard; so is eating too many dim sims but it didn't stop Pa and it won't stop me.